Managing emotions is probably one of the most complex things we deal with every single day. But here’s a little fun fact: it’s also the easiest thing to do – if you actually understand how emotions work.
Personally, I’ve never really struggled with handling emotions, and I credit that to my upbringing. I was raised in a safe, loving, and emotionally aware environment where I was taught to sit with my emotions rather than push them away. But don’t get me wrong, I’m no expert. There have been times when I totally messed up emotional regulation (just being human), and that’s okay. Being imperfect is normal. What matters is learning from those moments instead of beating yourself up over them.
And that’s exactly what I want to share here – everything I’ve learned, applied, and found helpful when it comes to emotions. Because trust me, understanding them changes everything.
Disclaimer: This is one of my favorite topics to talk about, so it’s gonna have two parts. When part 2 is posted, I’ll add the link right here. But you gotta wait for that. I’d appreciate your patience. But let’s get into the basics first!
Table of Contents
Stop Labeling Emotions as "Good" or "Bad"
One of the first things I realized about emotions is that we’ve been conditioned to think of some as good and others as bad. Happiness, joy, excitement? Good. Anger, sadness, frustration? Bad.
But here’s the thing – I respectfully disagree with this. Every emotion serves a purpose. Anger, for example, is often seen as negative, but for me, it’s actually useful because it shows me when my boundaries are being crossed. Sadness isn’t just some “bad” feeling; it’s a signal that something needs my attention.
The problem with labeling emotions as negative is that we start avoiding them. And avoiding emotions is like ignoring a check-engine light on your car – it doesn’t make the issue go away. It just makes it worse. So instead of seeing emotions as “good” or “bad,” try seeing them as what they are: signals that help us understand ourselves better.
How Emotions Actually Work (This Part is Super Interesting)
Now, here’s where it gets really cool. Understanding how emotions work on a brain level is a total game-changer.
Your brain has two key regions at play:
- The Emotional Brain (Limbic System) – This is where emotions get processed first.
- The Logical Brain (Prefrontal Cortex) – This is where rational thinking happens.
So, when something happens, let’s say you get an unexpected email from your boss, your brain doesn’t process it logically first. Nope. The information goes straight to the emotional region before logic even gets a chance to step in. That’s why we often feel a rush of anxiety, frustration, or excitement before we even think about the situation rationally.
I actually learned this from Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (which, by the way, is hands down one of the most useful books on this topic, I’d highly recommend checking it out here). This concept completely changed the way I react to things.
And here’s a little brain hack: If you can hold off on reacting for just 5–10 minutes, you give your logical brain enough time to catch up and balance out the emotions. That’s why people say, “Sleep on it” or “Take a deep breath before responding.” It’s not just a cliché – it’s actual science.
A Couple of Mind-Blowing Basics About Emotions
Here are a couple more things about emotions that blew my mind when I first learned them and change the way I see any situation:
- Your emotions don’t come out of nowhere: every emotion you feel is triggered by something, whether you realize it or not. Sometimes it’s obvious (someone yells at you, you feel angry), and sometimes it’s buried in past experiences (your friend cancels plans, and you feel way more upset than you “should” because it reminds you of feeling abandoned before).
- Your body feels emotions before your brain processes them: ever get a gut feeling? Your body literally reacts before your mind catches up. That’s why your heart races when you’re nervous, or your stomach drops when you hear bad news. Your brain is still figuring out what’s happening, but your body already knows.
- You can feel multiple emotions at once: it’s totally normal to feel happy and sad at the same time. Like, if you’re moving to a new city, you might feel excited and anxious. Or if you end a toxic relationship, you might feel relieved and heartbroken. Emotions aren’t always black and white, they mix.
Suppressing Emotions vs. Managing Them
There’s a big difference between managing emotions and suppressing them.
Suppressing emotions = Pushing them down, pretending they don’t exist, avoiding them until they explode later.
Managing emotions = Acknowledging what you feel, understanding why, and handling it in a way that’s actually helpful.
I used to think not reacting meant I was being emotionally strong, but in reality, I was just bottling things up. The real strength comes from knowing how to respond instead of just shoving feelings aside.
So… When Do You Become “Emotionally Intelligent”?
Truth bomb: There’s no finish line. Emotional intelligence isn’t something you achieve and then you’re done. It’s an ongoing process. The more self-aware you become, the more you realize there’s always room to improve.
And that’s actually a good thing. Because the moment you think you’ve mastered emotions? That’s when you stop growing.
Takeaway? Give Yourself Time Before Reacting!
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: Pause before you react. Even just a few seconds can make a difference. Remind yourself that your emotions always come first, and your logic follows. Give your brain a chance to catch up.
And next time you feel something intense, don’t fight it. Just observe it. Ask yourself:
- What is this emotion trying to tell me?
- Is it about the present moment, or is it triggered by something deeper?
- What’s the healthiest way to process this?
That’s emotional intelligence in action. And trust me, it changes everything.
Final Thoughts
We’ve covered the what and why of emotions here. Understanding them is the first step, but knowing how to navigate them is where real change happens. In Part 2, we’ll dive into practical strategies to manage emotions, without suppressing, avoiding, or overreacting, along with some techniques I’ve practiced for years and found incredibly effective.
I’ll add the link here once it’s up. Until then, let me know, what’s an emotion you struggle with the most?